Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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