So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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