If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize