she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize