Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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