After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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