Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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