Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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