census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
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I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize