my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize