Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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