I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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We have so much sex to catch up on
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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