you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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