I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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