Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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