Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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