3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize