A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
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There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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