he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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