now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize