woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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