I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize