my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize