my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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