I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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