come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
please don't ironically join a cult
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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