I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize