you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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