Pants 0. Shit 1.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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