Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
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Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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