i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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