She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize