as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
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it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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