Too much gin, very little bucket
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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