Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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