On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
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If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dear god my vagina.
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