I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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