Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
