I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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