just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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