Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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