i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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