theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
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I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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