just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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