mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize