I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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