Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize