I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize