using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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