My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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